This Man

I wish I could put into words my feelings for this man.

He has been my rock and comfort blanket through all of this.

Never once has he complained about a request or shied away from any task, his only thought has been my comfort or how he can ease my pains. The things he has held my hand through or physically held me up for over the last 12 days has been above and beyond the call of duty for any husband. Believe me, details here would be Too Much Information!

He has been here at all the right times, worthy to give me priesthood blessings at my request, been my advocate when I couldn't speak for myself, and can tell just by looking at me where I am on the pain scale. He cuts up my food, arranges my blankets and pillows just right and says a prayer with me before he leaves at night.

Byran was recently "transfer trained" so he can assist me in getting in and out of bed, walking in the halls, and in and out of my wheel chair. He is so gentle and talks me through each step of the transfer. I love that calm assurance he has on his face when I start to panic. He calms me and I have every reason in the world to trust him. I do trust him! It has helped me feel more secure to know that he knows just how to move my legs or where to support my back so that I don't feel the pain like I do when the next new nurse comes in to get me up. I love to feel the security of his hand gently on the small of my back as we take ANOTHER lap around the nurses' station.

He has been my personal secretary, diplomat, and masseuse rubbing oil, and lotion carefully on my bruised body. A father to our children and is so sensitive to their needs. He finds ways to take advantage of the small amounts of time he is able to spend with them to make them feel secure and special. Through all of this he has been their constant too. He even takes the time to leave them notes to find.

I'm sure you can understand how emotional we have both been since the accident. I love that he patiently listens to me, my fears, anxieties, my processing again and again and then is willing to open up the same with me and not hold back or feel like he has to keep his emotions in check. His tears have allowed me to see the depth of his feelings, empathy, and love.

I could go on and on, but the one-handed typing is cramping my arm and the hour is late, but I will finish with this. After nearly 19 years of marriage, I thought I knew and appreciated what a wonderful spouse I was blessed with. I have developed a stronger love, appreciation, trust, and respect for this man of mine in the last 12 days than I realized I had the capacity for. Never before have I felt more loved and love for him. That alone has been worth every tear, minute, and pain that I have felt. So very worth it.

I love you Byran.

PS- I want to thank colleagues, neighbors, friends and family who drove Byran around when he couldn't drive, covered classes, and have taken on more responsibilities so that Byran can be here for me. I have needed him. Thank you!